Evaluation.

When writing evaluations, I often get a few problems, sometimes technical, sometimes not. These problems are often superficial and have little impact on the project itself. Then there are the problems you encounter that are project based, problems with the concept or problems with the way the idea is to be executed.

Well I experienced a heavy mixture of both, now maybe this was due to the pressure of a 'Final piece' or it was due to the subliminal complexity that I had never predicted. Well, for me, the final project should be an embodiment of what you wanted to achieve in the MA, and this too changed during the two years on the course.

Originally I wanted to get my digital painting up to the standard of the industry and hopefully gain my own style and further my dream of painting what I want how I see it. But for some reason that just started to come naturally with dribs and drabs of work I had been doing at home for personal use, I also developed a game, using an engine to create it, that’s now getting good reviews and features aspects I always wanted to see in a game, anyway, I'm sidetracked.

This project, Memory, was to be the first 'personal' project I undertook, I have never created work cantered around myself, mainly because I have a very selfless nature. Now with this project, which as I've said many times before, is a body extension project, the project itself would appear rather simple, gather images video and audio that for me, have memory connections, and add them to a program called Cooliris; this program is them embedded into a web page.

Now as the project progressed and meetings took place, I never discussed my project with other classmates, in reviews I would generalize the project, but never give much away, this was mainly due to a firm policy of mine, and that’s to not reveal my project's key elements this is because I feel it (the projects core) might get changed or morphed by other people’s ideas, this was my personal project and as a result I wanted to make sure if it was to evolve that it was because of me or situations that I brought about to the project.

First off was the projects layout, I was originally going to have text explaining the images, why they are important to me, and also text explaining the reason behind the project, and up until half way, this was the plan, but I decided that this was too direct, the user did not have to know the ins and outs of the project, after all this project is designed for me really and will just evolve into something else in a gallery environment.

Then after removing the texts I was faced with another problem, was it too vague? Could the user tell what the project was about with no information? Well I could only assess this once it was completed, so I pressed onwards.

Now originally I was going to create this using flash, but after a few weeks into the project, and after working on a prototype a friend sent me an email with something I had previously heard of, called 'Cooliris', this application can make the viewing of images easy and visually impressive.

After finally deciding that Cooliris was the application for me to use I next had to collect the images that would eventually become my work, so I had to go to my parents house and collect all the photo albums, then go through them and collect all the images that sparked memories, some memories were not of the picture but more so the place, smell or atmosphere that was associated with it, sometimes the memories sparked were that of me actually looking at the individual picture in the past. After collecting these images and photos of my parents house, I moved onto looking at other things I could photograph or store, I found my old high school photo, and then arranged a meeting with the headmaster to get access to walk around and take pictures of things I could remember, to be honest, the school had gone through a large metamorphosis, and the one thing that brought the most memories back was the smell, it’s weird, and has not existed to me in another location in my life, like the smells themselves embody the essence of learning. There were things I found difficult to take photos of, for example, if you have looked through the project, you will notice a large amount of doors in the high school section of the timeline, this was because in high school I was thrown out of a lot of class's, mainly because of my handwriting, it was called 'lazy' and I apparently put little effort into my work, this was untrue, I found it difficult to write, and found it even harder to keep up with the speeds in which we were expected to write at. So I'd get frustrated, and bored with the teachers always ignoring my requests for the writing to be slower, and as a result of their lack of understanding I lost my respect for most of the teachers, as a knock effect my behaviour would degenerate and I'd be thrown from class, which was fine, I was no longer writing in pain, and had my own company or a game boy for entertainment. It was later discovered at College that I was dyslexic, I never accepted help at college or university, because to be honest, I could cope, it was just nice for the tutors and lecturers to understand. With understanding comes knowledge and with that knowledge they can see I'm far from distracted and lazy, I am in fact the most focused person I know, and it was only at that point did my life, academically, improve, so as you can see, not all memories are pleasant but this cannot detract from their importance.

The next section of life is blank, there are a few things left from that era, like my EZ2DANCER trophy’s and a few items I have received through the years, in the next section was university, and images of work or events that were important to me, then onto this courses work and leading up to the present month.

After extensive research into the fundamentals on memory, I next turned my attention onto what memory is, why memory might exist and how we formulate memory. It's simple to assume that memory is nothing more than echo's of our past, but it’s much more than that. Memory is an entire fabrication of a past event, and as a result this fabrication becomes altered from its original form. This project was a bit like that, well firstly it was going to be a flash development, and then it became an application. It was supposed to have a textual theme, but then as the project evolved, it happened to evolve beyond the need of textual input. Of course after this were a lot of changes, and one of which was made right at the end, nearly during set up.

This change was the duel screen layout that was going to happen for the project, originally the design was to project the same feed onto both walls, and this was so that the user felt total emersion. But I had a change of plan near to last minute; I like the idea of total emersion and the whole ability to be trapped by thoughts and memories. But that was just it, it was not memories that trapped you in life that was thoughts, for me the one thing we always remember most is an event or place in time when you seemed happiest. I found such a memory, it was also the earliest video recording of me I could find, it was of a BBQ at a relative’s house, I am the child running around. Later other children arrive and it’s interesting to see what were at that time my own characteristics and proved a very interesting watch to see my social dynamics.

This video is now what takes the other projection, so on one side there is the Cooliris application, which is streaming the data for the viewer to browse, and the other wall is looping that BBQ video, this is because I felt it was a better idea based on the merits of what might be deemed the 'Good' memory of the collection I have got.

This project has been one technical difficulty after another, and I have at times, thought about why it is that I have to do things as I do, and why do they have to involve so much technology. Well it's not something I can really answer, with technology comes the problematic issues that follow suit. But this projects success is decided not on how a user might find this work, but more so on its practical merits towards me.


*EDIT* the piece is in the gallery now and it has changed as a result, previously it was a body extension project, personal and informative. Now everything in the space has a meaning, for example, a collection of audio tracks, no matter what genre, were added together and are played in the background, giving a weird sense of audio that’s fluttering between film music to rock and so on. From a first approach the viewer is greeted with the video of my BBQ looping, it might be hard to make out just what is going on, but then as they turn they see the screen with photos that seem to be of a baby or of a location, it is then apparent that the mouse is noted, and the user can navigate these images, it would not take long to realise that is in fact a recording of echoes from the past, this space, living in multiple years, embodying many other senses that it previously had never seen. The user will take away different experiences based on what they view and how that then relates to them, it is also give them a brief exploration of a person’s life, it might be possible for someone to study and work out why most of the images chosen for this project were in fact chosen but there are a great number of images where the user will just create their own view, a lot like memory itself.

Exhibition, Just why it was so complex.

The thing with Cooliris is that you can embed the application into a web page, but this, as I will explain later posed the most problematic of all.

Cooliris is an interesting app, it works of a script that’s server based, you, as in I, the user, only downloads the client side information (basically the information that’s needed to connect to their server and access the code to perform the actions necessary to work the application. And that, during set up, was one of the worst problems we (me and my tech guy, Kriss) had to solve. With the limited space and the feel / gallery atmosphere, we could not add much that would compromise the room’s attention, for example the floors are a light grey and the walls and pretty much everything else, was painted white. For us to use Cooliris we would (and we were completely unaware of this until set-up) need to access the Universities Proxy settings to allow the internet feed from Cooliris to send its scripts to our mini Mac display machine.

Well, there was no way we could access the proxy, because in essence the universities entire network would have been compromised and exploitable, so we had to think, how can we bypass this? firstly we set up an external server in the gallery, behind a wall which required a little skill to scale and set up, then after a few experiments we decided that this server, which was basically a tool for connecting the Mini Macs up to the internet to allow the feeds to be sent from Cooliris to the display machine, which in turn would project that output onto one wall. Once that was set up we (then realised the proxy problems) and had to create another server, and placed it at my friends house, 30 odd miles away, this server would hold all the visual information that Cooliris would require to function properly, it needed all the images, video etc all sorted and loaded into Cooliris code, this machine will run constantly, until the exhibition is complete. So, what we need now is a basic diagram for the set up of the project, and the reason I'm going into this is because this set-up alones complexity is almost that of the projects concept and I feel deserves equal elaboration. 

I'm on a laptop with no Photoshop, so knocked this up in paint, excuse its crudeness but it can show you its complexity, it all starts 30 miles away, at a friend’s house, the server is on 24/7 until the exercitation is over, it host's the webpage in which the Cooliris app is displayed in and also houses the files of the entire project, it’s the heart of the operation if you will.

Then from there the files are uploaded to the internet and sent to the Cooliris app, as well as the web pages location.

Cooliris then sends its information to the next server, 30 miles at the exhibitions actual location the data from Cooliris AND the ability to connect to the internet / by passed needing the proxy of the university, all collate on that machine.

Then the mini Mac, mounted on a shelf, is plugged by Ethernet cable to the secondary server and receives the media RSS feeds from Cooliris and the first server then displays that information and the Cooliris embedded application on the wall, while in the mean time the secondary Mac "Mac B" is projecting the Video (earliest footage I could find of myself) which is projected on the opposite wall making their two projections, one on each opposing wall of the two projectors in the diagram.

Getting every thing working...

The Cooliris program is not as straight forward as I had originally anticipated and has been a big issue during this project. Cooliris itself is a good application and very useful for browsing your facebook and other web hosted items, but the second you want to view your own items it becomes different, for a start, with Cooliris you can view your own items off your hard drive and set folders to view etc, however, the second you want to embed a wall you need to consider many other factors, which until recently I was unaware of.

Firstly, you cannot (And believe me I've tried) view your own data from an external hard drive or on your PC when embedding Cooliris into the web page. To have your own content you need to supply the embedded wall with RSS feeds, which call from a server. 

So I called a friend and we set about creating a server to host the files on, this also threw up another problem, will the gallery space have internet? And how can I deal with the problem if they cannot acquire an internet connection? The answer is simply no, I cannot make this piece work without constant internet connection, it needs to receive RSS feeds from the Server to work, and there is no other way around this. Anyway after a few e-mails I'm still unsure what’s going on with connection I just have to hope everything is ok.

Next problem this aired, the Home Hub at my house is broken, so I have been using an older model until I get a replacement from BT, the replacement will not allow me to port forward through port 80 (and this basically means I cannot host a server at my house) so the same friend agreed to host it at his and make a VNC connection between mine and his laptop so we can check, edit and control/fix any issues with the exhibition in real time.

Now, we have set up the server up at the friend’s house, currently going through a few bug checks with the network and hope that this all goes well, the next part is making sure Cooliris calls from the right directories and displays the media on screen.

This is the last push to make sure everything goes to plan, but with so much that can go wrong I can only keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

I just can’t believe that the home hub broke so close to the deadline, seems fate is really unhappy with me finally finishing my MA, but I'm afraid fate will just have to try harder.

THE OTHER SIDE OF MEMORY - Art works by Ridha Ridha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62PR2LcOdq4

This Video is interesting, she has used cubes as almost fluttering thoughts, connected through a sequence, and flowing in various directions as a memory does.
Pieces like "The Red Barrier" struck me as being prominent memories that were spurred by a war, later I discover that I'm right, she has endured Iraq during American occupation and the rise of the terrorists, most of her work was created while in exile.

This is an interesting way of documenting memory through feeling and visualization of something that is in fact vision-less.

I suppose I could have conceptualized the notion of memory and how it is stored, but I would have been losing out on some of the aspects I wanted to so badly preserve, firstly authenticity, with actual photographs and video I can determine that these events were not fabricated or censored. And in fact can rely on the information to be true, I also wanted this to be in essence another body extension project where I could use real footage, not manipulated so I could use the device as a secondary memory if I was to ever lose it, with the knowledge that others opinions of the events cannot alter the actual memory, as its data is separate from my own storage devices in my head.

It is vital that the piece, no matter how 'simplistic' it might appear to cover the basic needs of my memory recollection, ease of use, simplicity and access of photographic and video information has to be integrated with ease, also helpful if time lined as well as possible, this way searching for an event will be as easy as clicking mouse button and dragging until I discover the memory I want to re-cap on, also being able to just openly browse my memories will be much more effective than having to rely on factors to trigger memories, smells, places and people etc.

I think I can safely say that I deliberately avoided making this piece, a piece of art in the Contemporary sense of manipulating and breaking down the ideas of memory, you might argue that this piece is almost too practical to be considered a piece, but you'd be wrong, its art in the voyeuristic sense, its art in the way you can see the finished piece, myself and what I have become through the memories that sculpt us, that’s the true beauty to this piece, not its application but its own history within a history.

Memories, the personal analysis.

For me memories are something of a difficult subject, after losing a large chunk of memories at the age of 17-19 I can't quite remember (the irony) I have struggled to work out just who I am, and the whole university thing was to hopefully work that little question out.
I had apparently changed personality from before I had the memory loss, I had a problem with authority and always felt bullied, I remember that bit, its mainly because I remember taking things very personally back then, my teachers, work colleges and boss's were just to name a few of the prime examples.
Me and my father never had what would be called a great relationship (now we do, I think so anyway) for a few reasons, one, he himself had a lot going on at the time, and I was too naive and of course too stubborn to look at things through his perspective. 
This relationship must have had its turning point, because not from my memory but from the photo's I found of me as a young child (1-7 years old) 80% of the photos featured my father and I, mother was obviously the picture taker and not the participant, now, one could assume that she might have been a keen photographer, but this is untrue, she's never been on for photography and is a bit of a technophobe, dad was however the professional photographer, this makes me think that the pictures of me and him were in fact imposed by himself.
Even though me and mother have a very strong relationship (as do most boys as common psychoanalysis would show) it would appear that my father’s affection died sometime after 7 years of age, not many photos (that I could find) were taken of me after this age. Maybe something happened, I can’t remember but basically that’s the age the albums stop.
At a glance I remember a lot of negative things about the gap between the age of 7 to about 18, my memory is very bad around this time and maybe it’s because only the most prominent memories remain or maybe it’s the fact that my brain has just chosen to remember these memories I'm not sure. These bad memories probably are what subconsciously added to my bad relationship with my farther, and of course made things worse, and because I'm the kind of person to not mention things that bother me, I let it all boil up and obviously it will come to a head and large arguments will take place, the key things I have learnt from constant arguing is to learn understanding and patience, these, to me, are the two most definite reasons for any argument.
And I have become a very receptive person form it, I have my own weakness's and personality traits that I have been handed by genetics by my father, as he had been from his own.
We do learn from our parents and take the good elements and try to solve the bad, it’s our nature, but some things we cannot shift.
Memories for me have been distorted and abused by conversation with other people, who as I mentioned in an earlier post, manipulate memories with different view points. I'm sure that it’s my lack of a real past that has crafted me to be the person I am today, maybe for the better? Maybe not.
In the end it’s our past and our perception of the future that moulds us into the people we become, without an understanding we cannot accept our fates.

It's probably deemed quite profound, but I like to think of our pasts to be of little importance, when it's clear that they clearly are, I however mean on a spiritual level, I feel it might be considered a blessing in disguise to be freed from the shackles of our past, and to maybe create our own 'nicer' past to help us through our future.
For me memories are echoes of another life, the only way I can accept my future is to look forward to it with open arms and embrace what is thrown my way, past's may define us but it is wise to not let them control us.

Secrects of the mind, and just how memory effects us.

Book: 
(Social Memory and History, Anthropological Perspectives, Edited by Jacob J. Climo and Maria G. Cattell.)

(Extract from page 1)
"Without memory, groups could not distinguish themselves one from another, whether family, friends, governments, institutions, ethnic groups, or any other collectively, nor would they know whether or how to negotiate, fight, or cooperate with each other. From the simplest everyday tasks to the most complicated, we all rely on memories to give meaning to our lives: to tell us who we are, what we need to do, how to do it, where we belong, and how to live with other people."

This statement is horribly true, it’s quite possible that the memory is the single most important aspect to humans, without it we as a species would never have evolved in the social way we have today, it would be, as described in the extract completely devastating to become unable to grasp past experiences, we primarily learn all our abilities through this method, with memory also comes understanding and the knowledge to approach a situation differently than before.
Memory defines who we are, but also shapes us as a nation and as a world.
Without memory I believe we can be described as almost soulless, and would lead empty existences.
Of course memory alone cannot be responsible for our advanced evolution, but more so the understanding that comes side by side with memory, without understanding we could not analyse what makes something what it is, and with further analysis you can determine the factors behind the initial facts, giving us depth of thought, not only can questions like what is that tree, become clear, but also questions like why is that tree there, what drives it? It's this advanced thinking that has progressed us from other species.

I did not finish this book, but not for no reason, it seemed to be constantly repeating what I already know now through the various researches I have done regarding the subject.
Talking about how memory affects politics, culture and economic cycles seems almost obvious, also how the memory affects social aspects and our own perception of memories works. It just seemed like I was covering old ground, with little point to follow.
History dictates memory but history cannot exist without memory, I have explored how memory is called and how its part fake, I've covered the meaning of memory, but I have not self analysed my own opinions of memory, and will do so in the next post.

A childhood recollection from DICHTUNG UND WAHRHEIT

This small essay is found in the book "The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, Volume XVII (1917-1919) An Infantile Neurosis and Other Works", this is a small essay on the recollection of memories from childhood. It begins with the explanation of how what we call from as memories is normally a mixture of memories and what we have been told ourselves by a third party and an amalgamation of the two factors creates our memories. He then goes into his earliest memory, one of which is when he is throwing plates and breakables from the kitchen out of his door to the amusement of his neighbours. Afterwards the topic changes to what or why is it that our childhood memories are what they are, not normally important memories some even seen quite superficial. The most important memory you can muster is normally the earliest memory you have, this memory shapes your life and with further psychoanalysis it was evident in one patient that the writer had treated. An expert from the writing: "He was a man of twenty-seven, highly educated and gifted, whose life at that time was entirely filled with a conflict with his mother that affected all his interests, and from the effects of which his capacity for love and his ability to lead an independent existence had suffered greatly. This conflict went far back into his childhood; certainly to his fourth year. Before that he had been a very weakly child, always ailing, and yet that sickly period was glorified into paradise in his memory; for then he had had exclusive, uninterrupted possession of his mother’s affection." It was interesting that the man in question had in fact altered his memories not on the physical level of how he was physically but more so for the nature of his happiness which was obviously from a rooted longing of his mothers affection, this, when removed, became the root of all his problems in later years. after a bit more reading its apparent that, in an event that still occurs today, he had a new baby brother born when he was 4, thus tearing him away from his mothers full affection, this kind of mental behaviour happens today, showing that he human mind, in an infantile state is unaffected by culture or times progression. It turns out that this small blip in his early stages in development, managed to twist him in the later years, he abused his favourite animals, and had a very cruel streak and these were impulses of his tormented childhood, resonating through to his later life. it goes on to express other cases and how that siblings have respect for the brothers and sisters that existed before themselves and direct their anger towards the newcomers, then there is more writings about older brothers acting as farther figures to impose superiority onto the younger and introduce the pecking order, if you will. The writing is basically talking about how what we call a memory is an abstract of what we felt and what we were told about the event, the underlying factors to a memory can be carefully analysed and re-packaged into what is more factual.